Motivation

Satan tells us things constently to make us feel worthless, broken and depressed.

I have a tough time not listening to his whisperous thoughts in my mind, espsecially during the days I'm tired and simply had a long day at work.

But, right now I decided would be a good time to speak against all his lies and tell myself the truth. Gods truth, of his plans for me and what he can make me.

I will stand tall, be strong and courageous.
I will have energy, be healthy, live awake and aware.
I am blessed and happy.
My mind will be forever sharp and have vivid memory.
I will feel forever young and full of life.
I will proper and be a blessing to all around me.
I can do what's right and make a difference.
I am different.
I will not live according to this world, but according to the Kingdom of God.
I will rejoice.
I will pray.
I am forgiven
And I am loved.

You will not over power me, for I am the Lords. Amen.

Changing of Seasons

Some time has past since this year had begun, it is already become familiar. No longer feels new and unknown.

I must come clean about a few things, I had not succeeded in sticking to my "new years resolution" but how many times have we heard that from those of us that speak to soon, with one goal in mind "this time I'll really do it!". Having a goal just to have one won't make you stick to it, because the destanation you were trying to reach didn't have a strong enough meaning in itself.

It's tough for me to admit, I truly wanted to prove not just to myself but to others that I can stick to my words. I suppose that'll be proven another day and another time.

Secondly, I have pretty seriously decided I will and have dedicated a part of myself and life to a boy. He indeed may be considered a boy at this time, but I see such greatness in him.
To become a great and righteous man of God.
He can become and do so much through and with the Lord.

I feel confident that my faith will not be let down, if anything it'll make it stronger while trusting and believing God will make great and prosperous changes in his and my life.

Right now I'm beginning to see such changes in my life, mind and spirit. Continualy reading and diligently seeking after the Lords truth, mercy, love, peace, confidence, forgiveness and instruction makes quite a difference.

Been keeping strong, fighting on and living long. That'll be my motto for today or however long it proceeds to uplift my sprirts.
I pray others come to understand what it is I'm trying to acomplish in and through my life. There's no short and sweet description, I cannot even begin to imagine what words to use; to explain well enough to have others grasp exactly what it is I'm working and fighting for.

If you truly do want to understand and know, all you can do is watch and listen to my every word, expression and action. With patients, acceptance, love and without judgement and resentment. Than hopefully by the end of our lives here you'll understand and I'll understand as well. Because we would have seen the impact and change it will have created throughout our lifetime, and let it be a blessing to all that it effects. Amen.

New Years Prayer

I've become broken, pieces of what I once used to be. Though I never felt as if I was complete at one point, there has always been something missing. Looking at myself today, remembering where I stood the year before, my eyes are not blind to the obvious; I have gone down hill.

I haven't gotten it right, this life of mine. And I feel as though with every step I take forward, it ends with me taking two steps back. But not today nor tomorrow! With this new year I will and need to pick up these scattered pieces in my life.

Lord, help me keep strength to continue with my search to become that person you want to be. Please, make me complete and help me find happiness. And with finding you, myself and joy in my life. Let me also pass it on, with every encounter.

Circle Of Life

My mind has become blank.
I cannot come to understand what I have done, and who it has made me.

I'm still me, same views, opinions and beliefs. But the experience I have gained has made something in me say, this was all planned. Everything you come to choose, you've already choosen and will make it become you. Yet you are already that person from the beginning, for deciding what it is you will experience.

Which has my mind in an unending circle, what is the importents of experiencing something you haven't done, if you are already the same person with or without it?

I feel with more I experience, the more I come to regret. Though that goes both ways, with more regret there is also more knowledge of life situations and coming to understand more of who you are, what you're capable of.

Honestly I'm scared to go out and experience all situations life will put me in, so half of me wants to stop living so I don't end up making anymore mistakes. And the other half wants to try everything all at once, run towards every chance I get to do something new. To get it over with and have the thrill of not knowing what to expect.

Everyone has fear as well as curiousity. It simply depends on the day, mood, and personality that determinds which is instinctly stronger than the other.

I do not want my life lead by fear, but neither do I want it ran like a moth drawn to a flame.
How do you go about experiencing the right things? That is yet another lesson of life I need to learn.

Lessons

Through my life I have been sheltered or more so hiding away from the necessary choices and decisions it takes to bring you to what type of travel you will take through life.

Recently I have made a choice, a choice that proved to do more harm then good. A mistake persay. But to be more percise a lesson learned the hard way.

I've forgotten or maybe I haven't experienced such a downfall before. But I had made a mistake, walked too fast on the pathway unknown and new to me.

I do not regret my choice, though I am not proud of it. It is useful knowledge to me, and that's what counts.

But what makes my decision hard to accept, is the things I wanted/want to say. To just go back, and make things come to a more settling outcome would make my restless self be at ease.

I'm so frustrated and upset, over all the things that were left unsaid. Knowing the chance to express myself will never come makes things tough to bare.

You live and you learn, but that never makes the things you regret easier to accept.

But I have faith in time. That in time any sore experience can be soothed to a point as if it never happened. I am waiting for that day.

Days to Remember

It's a new year. Each year that passes me, I come to feel less and less amused; with the changing of dates, ages of myself and the things around me.

How can I begin to express what has come and gone? I have been trying for years to never let my emotions control me. That I must always think logically, completely unaffected by whatever drives me to say yes or no; emotion wise.

But I have done it, got myself involved in a relationship that requires emotional judgement. And for you to say things that seem to me aren't supposed to make sense.
I find myself unknowingly silent, and grasping for something to say. Something I just can't find the words for.

I am very uneasy in realization that I will not always know what to say; or know how to react.
And messing up, and being misunderstood is something I definitely do not want to happen.

Love? What is such a thing? Yet another emotion to get your mind wound up in knots over.
I know I can say it, because I have no other word or expression I can use that will fit better than that word; to begin to express how I feel.
But I cannot describe how I feel, I am at a loss for words. And nothing is more frustrating for me; than to not have an answer.

What does all this mean? Why must this be so intricate? Is it only this way for me? Does that mean something is wrong? All these questions and mazes, makes it tough to stay level headed and calm.

At this point I will try and enjoy every moment while it lasts. However long that will be.

Revived, Alive and Hopeful. December 9th

Just what I needed.
A day to awake to nothing, but tossing that aside and take no consideration for the things I have no control of. And just taking life as it is.

I have begun my day to this train of thought, in a positive light. And I feel like myself, one to take the world on. Up for it all. Give me your best shot!

Beside from my prior post on my other blog, life is life. And I can do this. All negitive emotions can go shove it and go live in a hole.

Every day may not be bright, uplifting nor eventful. But screw it. Having those times effect my views and attitude is pointless, and unhelpful to not only myself but by those all around me.

It's a tough quest to try and play out bad times lighthearted and bubbly. But shoot, you need to do what's tough to be ready for when your strong side is needed most.

You don't want to be caught off gaurd only to find; the leadership and responsibility traits are nonexsitent in you. Especially when not only you are in an episode of panic. And you need to make sure if there isn't anyone else able to stand their ground, able to take lead and take solid control of a messy situation, you need to work to have confidence in yourself to step up and be able to take that position. Take the lead.

Leadership is something one acheives and works at, through hardship and discouragment. Without the desire to help others, do whats right and want something enough to fight and work for it. You are nothing but a person lining up to die or be ruled by someone elses will and desires.