It's a new year. Each year that passes me, I come to feel less and less amused; with the changing of dates, ages of myself and the things around me.
How can I begin to express what has come and gone? I have been trying for years to never let my emotions control me. That I must always think logically, completely unaffected by whatever drives me to say yes or no; emotion wise.
But I have done it, got myself involved in a relationship that requires emotional judgement. And for you to say things that seem to me aren't supposed to make sense.
I find myself unknowingly silent, and grasping for something to say. Something I just can't find the words for.
I am very uneasy in realization that I will not always know what to say; or know how to react.
And messing up, and being misunderstood is something I definitely do not want to happen.
Love? What is such a thing? Yet another emotion to get your mind wound up in knots over.
I know I can say it, because I have no other word or expression I can use that will fit better than that word; to begin to express how I feel.
But I cannot describe how I feel, I am at a loss for words. And nothing is more frustrating for me; than to not have an answer.
What does all this mean? Why must this be so intricate? Is it only this way for me? Does that mean something is wrong? All these questions and mazes, makes it tough to stay level headed and calm.
At this point I will try and enjoy every moment while it lasts. However long that will be.
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