June 14th

A bit has happened and I still am in the state that I don't think it's really happened.

SO I got a job! As a barista at a cozy; privately owned place. It's sweet so far; I've worked four days? But only three offical days as a true employee.
I haven't gotten my first paycheck yet, but I will this coming Friday.

It's exciting to get your first job. Especially in such a friendly and comfortable place. I do feel like I always have to be moving finding something to do or clean while I'm there, and that gets tiring. But that's what makes work; work.

I don't have much else to say... I believe that about cuts it. :)

May 24th

Guess where I am!
I'm at school (6th hour Ceramics), on one of the schools Macs.
Lol, I have no idea why I'm so pumped about this.

Well I don't know if I've stated that I am Home Schooled on here, but I am. Don't be confused. I only enrolled in elective classes this school year, I'm technically not a real student (I won't be in the year book, that's for sure).

Though I don't come everyday anymore ('cuz I'm down to one elective class), and well I've finished with most all my pieces. So there's no point in coming daily, unless I just want some place to sit around and have absolutely nothing to do (which I can get in the comfort of my own home).

But today I am doing exactly what I try and avoid. My teacher (I don't blame her, she's one good hard working teach) told me today (Tuesday) was the day my pieces were going to come out of the 'cooker thingy'? So this would be the day I'd come in to work on my stuff. But she got a little behind and they weren't out when we thought they'd be.

SO that leads as to why I am sitting around, playing on the computer during my whole hour! Yuppers.

Well I still feel accomplished, I woke up at 6:21am this morning. And when the sun came out, I laid out in the sun did push up, leg ups, and try to run around a bit picking up stuff around the yard ('cuz it's a whole lot faster and easier to tan when you're moving about everywhere, lol).

I plan to get on a normal and healthy sleeping schedule, as well as becoming a ton more active. I only pray I will actually live up to everything I say and set as goals for myself. I've had far to many failures.

Well looks like I got about 20 more minutes until the bell rings... I feel as if it'll take foreverrr~~

Ah well, I'll try and report more often. To push myself to accomplish the things I have planned, so I have something of worth to type x)

May 6th

My goodness. The days keep passing, and the months begin flying by.
I don't I know how many times it'll take me to rememeber that fact. The fact of, time keeps on going. And before you know it, you come to a point where you think it all went to fast.

Besides all that, I just want to get things done. Be able to say I've accomplished something. Something constructive and meaningful.

I want to learn, everything and anything. I want to work towards being a jack of all trades. Have my feild in no solid or common ground. Have it be where I please, and have it change direction when something else has caught my eye.

I want to learn Japanese, and travel there. Seeing all there is to see with my own eyes. To live, feel and breathe what exactly it is I am learning. And I bet you that will lead to me getting into all types of different cultures.

I want to be involved in a cause, a place where people believe strongly enough in something to get together and make effort, take action and work towards what needs to be done and accomplished.

I want to feel I'm making progress.

March 23rd - April 23rd

So finally. I'm here to use my blog; which it was made for.

To make this sweet and simple, I do not rememeber what I did everyday for the last month.
But I will simply (like always) just mention the highlights of what has happen which was most memorible.

On Thrusday I headed to my Grandma's to hang with family, and do a bit of celebrating 'cuz we weren't going to see them on the actual day of Easter.
It was just my Mother and me that went. We ended up staying the night till late the next day. BUT what was fun about it, was my cousin and myself stayed alone at our grandparents house, and like most elderly; they go to bed early, and wanted the same from us. Ha and this just goes on to humorus stores with our Grandma being a bit hard to deal with, because we wanted to talk. But what made it funny is our Grandma is deaf, so we had no idea why she was saying she could hear us "being so loud". xP

On Friday the next day when we got home, within the first couple hours I was finally home I went to a friends to play video games, which somehow lead to us starting a game of paintball with another friend we invited to join in, and that went on till dark (which was AMAZING; for my first time playing). And when we got back to my friends house I didn't end up leaving till a half hour to midnight. And that was crazy in itself. So in short, it was a long day. Of a day with family do many things, to a epic episode with friends till the very end of the day.

Which also lead to another day of paintball the next morning at 10am. And ended at 6pm. And afterward at home, the day continued with a early Easter dinner with immediate family. And that! Has yet to end.

I gotta say, this is a love hate kind of relationship, hahaha. I love having something to do, and having the feeling that I used every minute of my whole day to its fullest. But being so exhausted; and just wanting to sit down and lazy about is something you start missing real fast. Lol.

March 22nd

Haven't gotten on track and I know it. I let my emotions run how I think, what I do and the choices I make!

How can I expect to get anywhere, if I'm only willing to do something if I feel like it. I know I'll never get anywhere with that kind of attitude. And everything will depend on what goes my way.

It's a complete selfish and foolish way of living. I want to be a wise, upright and selfless individual. Someone I don't have to get so frustrated with! It is very easy to get upset at yourself. And focusing on that is just a waste of time, you just have to take the steps to change! And stop flappin' your lip and start taking action!

I know when another day starts I'm not going to feel the same motivation as the day before, but. I'm going to keep trying. Fighting to make the differece I need, to be and show others we have strength to do what's right. To make a stand, that is harder than the path we see others all around us following.

I know I can make a change, open my eyes as well as those I care for.
If I just keep to the truth. Stay close to the one and only true life and love.
I know I sound hippie-ish, but just because one talks about something that is full of feeling and spirit. Doesn't mean it's full of hocus-pocus.

I simply want to be so much more than I could ever be on my own.

March 21st

This blog certainly hasn't turned out as I had hoped.
But thinking back, did I really believe I could write every other day on here religiously?
I can't even stick to my "religion" religiously.

I'm so sick of this, I don't know what to do, what to even begin to say or ask. I know I shouldn't lose faith, Jesus is my Lord. But times come when you can't stand on your own feet, and you need to cry be held & carried.

Today my heart & mind is heavy and I have no strength to fight it. I want to reach out for someone, but no one comes to mind. I know the one to be my go to guy is the Lord, but I can't bring myself to call his name.

Something is wrong, has been for awhile. And I can't brake free from it, and I don't know how to ask for help.
Feels like my life is being smothered. Why am I getting attack like this? Why can't I be someone God can be proud of? Why am I always so weak and timid? I have a choice in who I am, what I do and how I act. I don't have to be like this! Yet why haven't I stood up taken action already? Am I really that pathetic?

I'm asking pointless questions, that don't need to be answered. But how can I get the answer I truely need, if I don't know the right question?

I need peace brought unto my mind & soul. I need understanding, love, wisdom, forgivness, faith, strength, patience and mercy.

Lord God almighty, I pray you lead my into where you want me to be. Show me your plans for my life in due time. Please just hold me through my times of troubles. And help me left them up unto you, to take care of. And teach me not to worry or fret.
And let your will be done. Amen.

Febuary 21st-March 7th

I can't recall the entire couple weeks. But I got my license, I drove alone twice already. I felt so pumped and estatic. Best I've felt in a long time. You defiantly need something from time to time to brighten your spirit and to feel free and childlike.

Also~ More good news my fellow peers. (Ha) I was talking to one of my teachers for a previous class about how I was interested in getting a job since I'm able to drive myself, and I mentioned I really wanted to work at a certain place. And he happened to know the owner! So he suggested to call him up and mention me and put a good word in. And bang! I ended up talking to the owner and he said he doesn't need anyone at the moment, but will in April or May when they get a lot more business. And he said it's real good that I can work in the morning and have more open hours (since I'm homeschooled). So I believe I've got a really good chance with getting a job there! I won't give my hopes up. Everything would just be perfect if it ends up working out. I'll have expeirence with driving, and my car (hopfully by than) will have it's title and be working fine and dandy from having brought it into my autos class to work on.

I like how things are looking and I hope things only keeps getting brighter. :)