March 22nd

Haven't gotten on track and I know it. I let my emotions run how I think, what I do and the choices I make!

How can I expect to get anywhere, if I'm only willing to do something if I feel like it. I know I'll never get anywhere with that kind of attitude. And everything will depend on what goes my way.

It's a complete selfish and foolish way of living. I want to be a wise, upright and selfless individual. Someone I don't have to get so frustrated with! It is very easy to get upset at yourself. And focusing on that is just a waste of time, you just have to take the steps to change! And stop flappin' your lip and start taking action!

I know when another day starts I'm not going to feel the same motivation as the day before, but. I'm going to keep trying. Fighting to make the differece I need, to be and show others we have strength to do what's right. To make a stand, that is harder than the path we see others all around us following.

I know I can make a change, open my eyes as well as those I care for.
If I just keep to the truth. Stay close to the one and only true life and love.
I know I sound hippie-ish, but just because one talks about something that is full of feeling and spirit. Doesn't mean it's full of hocus-pocus.

I simply want to be so much more than I could ever be on my own.

March 21st

This blog certainly hasn't turned out as I had hoped.
But thinking back, did I really believe I could write every other day on here religiously?
I can't even stick to my "religion" religiously.

I'm so sick of this, I don't know what to do, what to even begin to say or ask. I know I shouldn't lose faith, Jesus is my Lord. But times come when you can't stand on your own feet, and you need to cry be held & carried.

Today my heart & mind is heavy and I have no strength to fight it. I want to reach out for someone, but no one comes to mind. I know the one to be my go to guy is the Lord, but I can't bring myself to call his name.

Something is wrong, has been for awhile. And I can't brake free from it, and I don't know how to ask for help.
Feels like my life is being smothered. Why am I getting attack like this? Why can't I be someone God can be proud of? Why am I always so weak and timid? I have a choice in who I am, what I do and how I act. I don't have to be like this! Yet why haven't I stood up taken action already? Am I really that pathetic?

I'm asking pointless questions, that don't need to be answered. But how can I get the answer I truely need, if I don't know the right question?

I need peace brought unto my mind & soul. I need understanding, love, wisdom, forgivness, faith, strength, patience and mercy.

Lord God almighty, I pray you lead my into where you want me to be. Show me your plans for my life in due time. Please just hold me through my times of troubles. And help me left them up unto you, to take care of. And teach me not to worry or fret.
And let your will be done. Amen.

Febuary 21st-March 7th

I can't recall the entire couple weeks. But I got my license, I drove alone twice already. I felt so pumped and estatic. Best I've felt in a long time. You defiantly need something from time to time to brighten your spirit and to feel free and childlike.

Also~ More good news my fellow peers. (Ha) I was talking to one of my teachers for a previous class about how I was interested in getting a job since I'm able to drive myself, and I mentioned I really wanted to work at a certain place. And he happened to know the owner! So he suggested to call him up and mention me and put a good word in. And bang! I ended up talking to the owner and he said he doesn't need anyone at the moment, but will in April or May when they get a lot more business. And he said it's real good that I can work in the morning and have more open hours (since I'm homeschooled). So I believe I've got a really good chance with getting a job there! I won't give my hopes up. Everything would just be perfect if it ends up working out. I'll have expeirence with driving, and my car (hopfully by than) will have it's title and be working fine and dandy from having brought it into my autos class to work on.

I like how things are looking and I hope things only keeps getting brighter. :)

19th-20th

It's my brothers 15th Birthday, so I definitely need to state that.
Though at this moment I'm not at home to celibrate it as I should. I'm at my relatives, have been since friday.

But within the last couple days I've been feeling so very blessed. Is it because the relationships of family make me feel so loved, or perhaps another reason?
Whatever it may be; I am blessed. And I hope to spread that around as well as feeling loved, guided, comforted and protected.

I do not know who everyone is to their core and what anyone thinks or belives. I simply know what I believe, what I stand by. And someday I hope to talk to someone, to open up. Tell them my troubles, beliefs, thoughts, opinions, and where I stand. At some point in time; I'm going to want someone to know me, I'm going to want to speak and open my mouth and try so that person understands who I am and where I'm coming from. But I think that time will only come when that one person (or more) will listen, ask and want to know who I am in return. And cared enough for me to try their best to understand who I myself am.

2nd-18th

Life. Just life has been going on the last couple weeks. That could mean things went the same, things were boring, fun, eventful, uneventful, interesting or uninteresting... And so, it could have gone one way or the other; or a mix of both. But I think this time I'll leave it at this. All that I've been living through, and simply experiencing. Is for me to look back on and remember, not to write as it happens and have it to look back on and recall. But to remember these times or certain experience when the time comes for me to recall it. If perhaps I have a lesson to learn, or a good memorie to show myself better days. This isn't something I need to do. Writing or trying to write everyday of every important or unimportant episode. I have enough pointless things on my mind, and trying to remember these supposed to be care free days bit by bit is something completely unnessicary. It's something that only draws myself back all the more. I want to find the times where everything I did every day that passed were never something I had to plan or work or change to my liking. I just want it to take care of itself, as said in a certain verse I cannot seem to recall at the moment. But I certainly hope no I pray that I will find that place again, where I am just a child, the child I am.

15th-1st

Ha. Funny to think I've completely forgotten to keep up with this. Shame on me.

Well I'll try and recover what I have walked through these last couple weeks.
We in Michigan are in a new semester. I got my haircut (to about my jaw-line)... I started working out again. Getting over a cold (sore throat, runny nose type deal). Passed the first semester with good grades (though I went over the certain amount of absentences you're allowed to have. So in a way I failed lol). Haven't meet anyone new since the first month of school... I think I got taller, but not all within the last month haha just in general of the last few months I guess... Still nobody has caught my eye (kinda hopin' to get this love & marriage thing over with; so there's one less pointless thing I think about... LOL). STILL haven't started on the YouTube idea. I am legally able to get my license tomorrow (in a hour), but I still haven't taken my last drivers test, because mother doesn't want me to drive, so she's delaying it with everything she's got. Still have a crappy relationship with God, and yes it's entirely my fault. I'm still a big baby. I feel I'm not going to stay in school much longer, I don't see much gain from it anymore, it lost it's apeal.
It's snowing a lot, or at least it's supposed too, so there isn't any school tomorrow. Hopefully the day after that as well.
I really can't wait to drive anymore... But the Honda Accord still got a few problems (battery based). Still unmotivated and self-conscious. Feel like everyone will hate and judge me if I even look at them or think about talking to them. People are scary, no more like teenagers are... *Gulp*

But yeaahhh that's all I got for now. Not much more I can think of to report. So peace out, and watch out for all under the age of 21... They're seriously out to get you... Like Metally. Break you from the inside, with their mind games O_O

11th-14th

...Once again I haven't been up beat with posting day to day. But that's quite crazy, so I think I'll stick with doing it every other day, it works best.

But on with my mid week days. Tuesday was ehhh, typical school day; felt like it should've just been friday already. But I stayed after at school for a hour to work on my stations for my autos class, I need to catch up; I haven't been getting it, ha.

But I got my hair cut... I forget what day exactly, but I know for sure it was a Saturday; most likely the most recent one, which was the... 8th? Whateve. I didn't get a real different cut, just a trim. Still planning to grow out my hair real long to cut it all off for the cancer cause.

Wednesday, again I stayed after at school. But this time was too get my face painted like a cat by my friend, because she's in the make-up crew for the drama club, they put on plays and so on. Which you can guess; they'll be putting on Cats the famous play. It was a lot of fun, I wish I could do that kind of high school things more often. But After we (my bro and I) left school; we went to youth group (I still had my face painted lol), that was same old same old, just the usual.

Thursday, was so slow, nothing exciting at all. But at home I start digging into 'my' car to see what was up; as to why it hasn't been able to start without having to manualy jump it. And come to find out, the battery cords were loose; so the battery wasn't getting charged while the car runs as it's supposed to. So we (my Dad and I) fixed that up. I was real happy that was a quick fix, glory!

And todayyy... Wow to think it's more of a blurr than the last couple days...
Um well I stayed after school today as well to work on some more lab stations in autos. I machined a *disc (rotor), which is cutting it a new nicer serface. And I took off a brake disc (rotor), which involves taking it apart and putting it back together. Pretty sweet, I can't wait 'til I get to do these things on my own car.

Well, that excludes all that has happened. I'll make sure and try to make my life a little more eventful and exciting, just another one of those things I gotta work on. Ha.