March 23rd - April 23rd

So finally. I'm here to use my blog; which it was made for.

To make this sweet and simple, I do not rememeber what I did everyday for the last month.
But I will simply (like always) just mention the highlights of what has happen which was most memorible.

On Thrusday I headed to my Grandma's to hang with family, and do a bit of celebrating 'cuz we weren't going to see them on the actual day of Easter.
It was just my Mother and me that went. We ended up staying the night till late the next day. BUT what was fun about it, was my cousin and myself stayed alone at our grandparents house, and like most elderly; they go to bed early, and wanted the same from us. Ha and this just goes on to humorus stores with our Grandma being a bit hard to deal with, because we wanted to talk. But what made it funny is our Grandma is deaf, so we had no idea why she was saying she could hear us "being so loud". xP

On Friday the next day when we got home, within the first couple hours I was finally home I went to a friends to play video games, which somehow lead to us starting a game of paintball with another friend we invited to join in, and that went on till dark (which was AMAZING; for my first time playing). And when we got back to my friends house I didn't end up leaving till a half hour to midnight. And that was crazy in itself. So in short, it was a long day. Of a day with family do many things, to a epic episode with friends till the very end of the day.

Which also lead to another day of paintball the next morning at 10am. And ended at 6pm. And afterward at home, the day continued with a early Easter dinner with immediate family. And that! Has yet to end.

I gotta say, this is a love hate kind of relationship, hahaha. I love having something to do, and having the feeling that I used every minute of my whole day to its fullest. But being so exhausted; and just wanting to sit down and lazy about is something you start missing real fast. Lol.

March 22nd

Haven't gotten on track and I know it. I let my emotions run how I think, what I do and the choices I make!

How can I expect to get anywhere, if I'm only willing to do something if I feel like it. I know I'll never get anywhere with that kind of attitude. And everything will depend on what goes my way.

It's a complete selfish and foolish way of living. I want to be a wise, upright and selfless individual. Someone I don't have to get so frustrated with! It is very easy to get upset at yourself. And focusing on that is just a waste of time, you just have to take the steps to change! And stop flappin' your lip and start taking action!

I know when another day starts I'm not going to feel the same motivation as the day before, but. I'm going to keep trying. Fighting to make the differece I need, to be and show others we have strength to do what's right. To make a stand, that is harder than the path we see others all around us following.

I know I can make a change, open my eyes as well as those I care for.
If I just keep to the truth. Stay close to the one and only true life and love.
I know I sound hippie-ish, but just because one talks about something that is full of feeling and spirit. Doesn't mean it's full of hocus-pocus.

I simply want to be so much more than I could ever be on my own.

March 21st

This blog certainly hasn't turned out as I had hoped.
But thinking back, did I really believe I could write every other day on here religiously?
I can't even stick to my "religion" religiously.

I'm so sick of this, I don't know what to do, what to even begin to say or ask. I know I shouldn't lose faith, Jesus is my Lord. But times come when you can't stand on your own feet, and you need to cry be held & carried.

Today my heart & mind is heavy and I have no strength to fight it. I want to reach out for someone, but no one comes to mind. I know the one to be my go to guy is the Lord, but I can't bring myself to call his name.

Something is wrong, has been for awhile. And I can't brake free from it, and I don't know how to ask for help.
Feels like my life is being smothered. Why am I getting attack like this? Why can't I be someone God can be proud of? Why am I always so weak and timid? I have a choice in who I am, what I do and how I act. I don't have to be like this! Yet why haven't I stood up taken action already? Am I really that pathetic?

I'm asking pointless questions, that don't need to be answered. But how can I get the answer I truely need, if I don't know the right question?

I need peace brought unto my mind & soul. I need understanding, love, wisdom, forgivness, faith, strength, patience and mercy.

Lord God almighty, I pray you lead my into where you want me to be. Show me your plans for my life in due time. Please just hold me through my times of troubles. And help me left them up unto you, to take care of. And teach me not to worry or fret.
And let your will be done. Amen.

Febuary 21st-March 7th

I can't recall the entire couple weeks. But I got my license, I drove alone twice already. I felt so pumped and estatic. Best I've felt in a long time. You defiantly need something from time to time to brighten your spirit and to feel free and childlike.

Also~ More good news my fellow peers. (Ha) I was talking to one of my teachers for a previous class about how I was interested in getting a job since I'm able to drive myself, and I mentioned I really wanted to work at a certain place. And he happened to know the owner! So he suggested to call him up and mention me and put a good word in. And bang! I ended up talking to the owner and he said he doesn't need anyone at the moment, but will in April or May when they get a lot more business. And he said it's real good that I can work in the morning and have more open hours (since I'm homeschooled). So I believe I've got a really good chance with getting a job there! I won't give my hopes up. Everything would just be perfect if it ends up working out. I'll have expeirence with driving, and my car (hopfully by than) will have it's title and be working fine and dandy from having brought it into my autos class to work on.

I like how things are looking and I hope things only keeps getting brighter. :)

19th-20th

It's my brothers 15th Birthday, so I definitely need to state that.
Though at this moment I'm not at home to celibrate it as I should. I'm at my relatives, have been since friday.

But within the last couple days I've been feeling so very blessed. Is it because the relationships of family make me feel so loved, or perhaps another reason?
Whatever it may be; I am blessed. And I hope to spread that around as well as feeling loved, guided, comforted and protected.

I do not know who everyone is to their core and what anyone thinks or belives. I simply know what I believe, what I stand by. And someday I hope to talk to someone, to open up. Tell them my troubles, beliefs, thoughts, opinions, and where I stand. At some point in time; I'm going to want someone to know me, I'm going to want to speak and open my mouth and try so that person understands who I am and where I'm coming from. But I think that time will only come when that one person (or more) will listen, ask and want to know who I am in return. And cared enough for me to try their best to understand who I myself am.

2nd-18th

Life. Just life has been going on the last couple weeks. That could mean things went the same, things were boring, fun, eventful, uneventful, interesting or uninteresting... And so, it could have gone one way or the other; or a mix of both. But I think this time I'll leave it at this. All that I've been living through, and simply experiencing. Is for me to look back on and remember, not to write as it happens and have it to look back on and recall. But to remember these times or certain experience when the time comes for me to recall it. If perhaps I have a lesson to learn, or a good memorie to show myself better days. This isn't something I need to do. Writing or trying to write everyday of every important or unimportant episode. I have enough pointless things on my mind, and trying to remember these supposed to be care free days bit by bit is something completely unnessicary. It's something that only draws myself back all the more. I want to find the times where everything I did every day that passed were never something I had to plan or work or change to my liking. I just want it to take care of itself, as said in a certain verse I cannot seem to recall at the moment. But I certainly hope no I pray that I will find that place again, where I am just a child, the child I am.

15th-1st

Ha. Funny to think I've completely forgotten to keep up with this. Shame on me.

Well I'll try and recover what I have walked through these last couple weeks.
We in Michigan are in a new semester. I got my haircut (to about my jaw-line)... I started working out again. Getting over a cold (sore throat, runny nose type deal). Passed the first semester with good grades (though I went over the certain amount of absentences you're allowed to have. So in a way I failed lol). Haven't meet anyone new since the first month of school... I think I got taller, but not all within the last month haha just in general of the last few months I guess... Still nobody has caught my eye (kinda hopin' to get this love & marriage thing over with; so there's one less pointless thing I think about... LOL). STILL haven't started on the YouTube idea. I am legally able to get my license tomorrow (in a hour), but I still haven't taken my last drivers test, because mother doesn't want me to drive, so she's delaying it with everything she's got. Still have a crappy relationship with God, and yes it's entirely my fault. I'm still a big baby. I feel I'm not going to stay in school much longer, I don't see much gain from it anymore, it lost it's apeal.
It's snowing a lot, or at least it's supposed too, so there isn't any school tomorrow. Hopefully the day after that as well.
I really can't wait to drive anymore... But the Honda Accord still got a few problems (battery based). Still unmotivated and self-conscious. Feel like everyone will hate and judge me if I even look at them or think about talking to them. People are scary, no more like teenagers are... *Gulp*

But yeaahhh that's all I got for now. Not much more I can think of to report. So peace out, and watch out for all under the age of 21... They're seriously out to get you... Like Metally. Break you from the inside, with their mind games O_O