My mind has become blank.
I cannot come to understand what I have done, and who it has made me.
I'm still me, same views, opinions and beliefs. But the experience I have gained has made something in me say, this was all planned. Everything you come to choose, you've already choosen and will make it become you. Yet you are already that person from the beginning, for deciding what it is you will experience.
Which has my mind in an unending circle, what is the importents of experiencing something you haven't done, if you are already the same person with or without it?
I feel with more I experience, the more I come to regret. Though that goes both ways, with more regret there is also more knowledge of life situations and coming to understand more of who you are, what you're capable of.
Honestly I'm scared to go out and experience all situations life will put me in, so half of me wants to stop living so I don't end up making anymore mistakes. And the other half wants to try everything all at once, run towards every chance I get to do something new. To get it over with and have the thrill of not knowing what to expect.
Everyone has fear as well as curiousity. It simply depends on the day, mood, and personality that determinds which is instinctly stronger than the other.
I do not want my life lead by fear, but neither do I want it ran like a moth drawn to a flame.
How do you go about experiencing the right things? That is yet another lesson of life I need to learn.
